In Which The Hoard Potato Absolves You Of Your Guilt

[athelind]

You know, folks, everything I said the other day the roots of my excitement for this movie also means that you don't have to apologize to me if you aren't excited, if you think it's going to be lousy, or if you don't want to tag along when I hit the theater tonight.

It's okay, really. I am an unapologetic Green Lantern fan, and believe me, over the years, there are a lot of things us GL fans should probably apologize for.

You certainly don't have to explain, above and beyond "I'm just not that into GL"; I have a long-standing principle of Not Listening To Negative Reviews before I go see a movie that I really want to see, because when I do, I keep looking for all the negative things the reviewers pointed out rather than just enjoying or critiquing the movie based on my own, unvarnished reactions.

For the record, I don't think that Green Lantern is going to come anywhere near the high-water mark of superhero movies (which is, IMNSHO, somewhere between Iron Man and The Dark Knight).

If it's just a bad movie, I'm fine with that. I'm an aficionado of bad movies.

I'm pretty sure of two things:

• This is not going to be as bad as the Worst Superhero Movie I've Ever Seen.
  
• This is not going to even come close to being the worst Green Lantern Story I've Ever Seen.

So, all in all, I'm probably going to be a pretty happy nerdboy this e'en.

In part because I've set my sights low. La la laaaaa.

---

Comments

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Just out of idle curiosity, what is the worst superhero movie you've seen? Personally, I think I'd have to go with the second Fantastic Four movie. "Daredevil" is up there, but it tries really hard to be good. "Jonah Hex" was pretty craptastic (even with Brolin doing his very best and Malkovich chewing scenery like the consummate professional scene-chewer that he is), but it's not really "superhero." (And to be honest, it was a pretty faithful version of something you might have seen in the 70s Jonah Hex comic, rather than the Vertigo work from Joe Lansdale and Tim Truman.) FF2 was just... bland.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

Bear in mind that I've seen a bootleg of the unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie -- and while it is hilariously cheap and inane, it's not the worst.

There have been a lot of comic book adaptations that I've found mildly disappointing, but there's only one that actively pisses me off at how badly it screwed up almost everything -- especially after two previous movies that kept getting things so very right.

That would be X3: X-Men United, whose only saving grace was Kelsey Grammer as Hank McCoy.

That movie egregiously mishandled a storyline that should have, frankly, been both epic and dramatically engaging. Jean to Phoenix to Dark Phoenix ... for one thing, they should have spread it across at least two movies, rather than trying to cram all their ideas into one grand finale that ultimately was nothing of the kind.

I could go on. And on. And on. But I'd rather spend my time and energy talking about stuff I like.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I think I'd blotted out most of that movie. You're right; that one's a stinker.

I sort of disregard the 70s and 80s superhero movies when talking about the subgenre. I haven't seen any of those in many years, and only remember them as snippets or tinged by nostalgia.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

The first Christopher Reeves Superman remains a high point of the genre.

I just scored the entire run of Republic's Adventures of Captain Marvel serial, which is, from all reports, one of the high points of both the comic-book superhero adaptation and the CLiffhanger Movie Serial forms.

[hinoki.livejournal.com]

The only reason we made it through that Corman version of FF was because of Guiness. We had -FAR- more than our share of Guiness, and even then, it was a near thing if we finished it or not.

And no, I am NOT repentant for inflicting that abomination of a movie on you. I cherish those memories.

-Hinoki

[athelind.livejournal.com]

Not Guinness.

Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout.

The Corman FF still gets a pass on this because it never actually hit the big screen. I paid money to see X3.

[jakebe.livejournal.com]

I'll second the question: what *is* the worst superhero movie you've ever seen?

For me, it's Roger Corman's Fantastic Four hands down. Jonah Hex is pretty god-awful too, and X3 makes me weep real tears for so many reasons.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

X3, as noted above.

The reason Jonah Hex is a terrible superhero movie is that Jonah Hex was not and is not a superhero, and the producers didn't GET that, so they had to give him superpowers.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Yes, but as I said, it works pretty well as one of those wacky, 1970s, drawn-by-Kubert-or-Infantino, Weird West stories.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

I don't know; the ones I remember were much more straightfroward Sergio Leone-inspired Weary Worn-Out West. Hex didn't really get "wacky" until they dumped him into a post-apoc setting in the pre-Crisis '80s.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

I remember some of those. Maybe I'm just misremembering, but I thought that Hex had some spotlights in DC's Weird West stories.

[araquan.livejournal.com]

I grabbed a midnight showing last night.

Having relatively little exposure to GL before, I can't comment on how well it respects any established/treasured canon, but... In my ever so humble opinion, looking at the movie on its own merits, I think...

...that many of the people sitting around me that night are bound for the Special Hell. };>

I'll reserve actual opinions for later, though I will say that I'm looking to see it again in the next week...

[leonard-arlotte.livejournal.com]

I'll start by saying I'm just not that into GL.

That said, I'm still planning on going to see it. I know what it's about, and I know that Comic Book Movies often get bad reviews, because they just don't have the strength of plot of Gone with the Wind.

I counter that with 'what movie does, these days?'

As for bad superhero movies, I'd have to put the first Punisher movie at the top of the list, staring Dolph Lungren. That, I think, was worse than the Corman F4.

I'd probably have to put the 1997 Batman and Robin up there too.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

OH GODS JOEL SCHUMACHER.

I HAD PURGED JOEL SHUMACHER'S BATMAN MOVIES FROM MY BRAIN.

.... seriously, Batman and Robin beats X3 hands down.

[kymri.livejournal.com]

I thought Batman Forever was pretty terrible. I'm SO, SO, SO glad I never saw Batman and Robin.

So glad.

Though it does leave me with X3 being the worst 'real' superhero/comic book move I've paid to see.

"I have a big gun" is not a superpower.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

As for The Punisher, in any form:

Frank Castle is an unapologetic Remo Williams rip-off who doesn't even have a supporting cast as entertaining as Chiun.

The only think that makes Frank distinguishable from any other Gun Totin' Action Movie/Men's Novel Hero is that he operates in a superhero universe.

Every adaptation leaves that part out ... understandably, yes, but nonetheless, Frank just kind of fades into background noise. It stops being a "comic book superhero movie" and just turns into another overblown shoot-em-up.

Re: "I have a big gun" is not a superpower.

[hitchkitty.livejournal.com]

Remo Williams rip-off?

Great, now I'm imagining Frank reciting a mantra along the lines of "I am become Smith & Wesson, the Destroyers..."

Re: "I have a big gun" is not a superpower.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

... why is there even a question mark in there?

Re: "I have a big gun" is not a superpower.

[hitchkitty.livejournal.com]

Well, let's see here...

One of them is a vigilante who took up "guns, lots of guns" after his family was killed by a drug cartel.

The other is a former cop whose death was staged so he could be drafted into a secret government agency and trained by a master assassin to use his body as the ultimate weapon instead of firearms. He learns to dodge incoming bullets by listening for the sound of tendons tightening; run across soft surfaces without leaving footprints; ride the stream from a firehose by fine-tuning his body weight; and poke holes in things with his hardened fingernails.

Now, Frank Castle may've become an agent of the federal government somewhere along the way, possibly during Civil War, but by and large I'm just not seeing the resemblance.

As you pointed out, "I have a big gun" is not a superpower.
"Whoa. I know sinanju.", however, is.

Re: "I have a big gun" is not a superpower.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I meant Mack Bolan.

Yes, yes, I know, I even mentioned Chiun. Don't know where my head was.

[reveille-d.livejournal.com]

Your two certainties are very much correct.

[paka.livejournal.com]

In part because I've set my sights low. La la laaaaa.

Sounds more like "in part because I've had a tremendous wealth of experience and not all experiences are good ones."

My ignorance is blissful.

[kfops.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is that I never found myself going after the super-hero comics when I used to be a collector.

I think part of it was that I hated coming in during a story, and everything was well underway.

Now-a-days this gives me a blank slate to maybe appreciate some things like they're brand new. It's interesting, as my co-worker used to read all the old comics and we discuss the differences.

[yourbob.livejournal.com]

Having read and heard a couple reviews actually make me interested in seeing it, but not opening weekend.

The only thing I'm really not happy with is the costume. If it is, as one review said, supposed to be an "energy field" rather than clothing, then it should be anatomically correct. For THAT on Ryan Reynolds I'd pay for 3D.

[hafoc.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about Green Lantern- never even read a comic. That may be an advantage. When I see this- as I will eventually, I'm sure- I'll enjoy it just as a story. With explosions!

I'm not gonna go see it in our local multi-screen movie house, though. Every time I go there-- gah. I could endure the endless ads for local landscaping services and auto shops, used so long that the color has faded from the slides, but the row of high schoolers who will NOT stop talking, in person and on cell phones at the same time-- I'll prolly wait and buy the DVD at Wally. It's cheaper, too.