I am a complete passive-aggressive bastard.

[athelind]

A week or so ago, during the holiday retail frenzy, quelonzia got a pack of hot dogs and buns. Originally, she planned to build an official dinner around them, but decided that they were better-suited for quick, fast meals. This was a nice idea, since I was working crazy hours.

Shortly thereafter, I came home exhausted, after everyone else had eaten dinner, and needed something. The Fire of My Heart said, "You can have a hot dog!"

The Grandspawn replied, "No, he can't. They're all gone."

Quel had had two. I'd had none.

(This is a recurring phenomenon, incidentally. Whenever we get something simple and easy to prepare, to use as meals when people are pressed for time or don't feel like cooking, the Grandspawn considers it fair game as snacks, and will rip through the whole stash before anyone else has a chance to get any.)

So, today, I went to Smart & Final (the bulk food store), one of the few local purveyors of Quelonzia's Incurable Addiction, and saw that they had my favorite brand of Cheap-But-Substantial Hot Dogs, Bar S. 16 dogs to a package, three pounds of meat, $4.99 -- and each dog is both larger and more flavorful than your ISO Standard Oscar Mayer.

They have three kinds: Polish Sausage, Smoked Sausage... and Hot Smoked Sausage.

I got the Hot Smoked Sausage. They're tasty. (Of course, I'm the only one who thinks so.)

When I got home, I opened the package up to fix myself one. Because the package doesn't seal by itself, I slid the whole thing into a Zip-Loc bag.

Unfortunately, in the process of opening it, I just happened to snip off the part of the label that says "HOT".

"Oopsie."

Hey, I've never claimed to be the grown-up.

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Update: Younger Stepdaughter also likes the spicy smoked sausage. She suggested having it for dinner tonight -- and has no intention of warning her stepspawn. She didn't get any of the last batch of hot dogs, either...

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Comments

[toob.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

[silussa.livejournal.com]

1) I happen to LIKE Diet Rite. It's good stuff.

2) I'm reminded of the note on a common refrigerator: "To whomever ate the contents of the bag labled 'Stanley', that was my biology experiment". Eating what isn't yours can really get you into bad situations. :)

[athelind.livejournal.com]

That should've been a link to RC Cola, not Diet Rite (which is from the same company). Diet Rite is EASY to find around here.

...you know, that spelling makes me think that a "Diet Rite" should involve chanting, qabbalistic inscriptions, and possibly a sacrifice of something (perhaps a cheeseburger).

[zeeth_kyrah]

"Stab your triple cheeseburger with the cupcake pick, making sure the bury the point all the way in. After the ritual is finished, wrap the monster in lettuce leaves and burn or bury it promptly."

[yourbob.livejournal.com]

I majored in wildlife biology.

A roommate once looked in the wrong bag in our freezer (clearly marked with my name (and triple zip-locked inside the paper bag) - she was looking for "stuff to throw out").

She threw out all her food. I eventually ate all my food that was in there.

The rest of the roommates thought it was what she deserved for trying to throw out other people's stuff. Oh and the bag was clearly dated too, from the day before.

[cpxbrex.livejournal.com]

LOL. Not "LOL" in the sense that I thought it was funny on the inside, either, but real meatspace laughter. ;)

[araquan.livejournal.com]

I approve.

[tombfyre.livejournal.com]

Well at least this way you'll get some of your own food for a change eh? I'm so very glad I mostly live alone, and don't have any family at all in the entire Provence. ^^() So my food stays MY food.

Nom nom nom and such.

[thoughtsdriftby.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a fair start.
I've found a small propane grill handy for late dinners. Heats in a minute and a flat iron steak takes only a couple of minutes each side. Freezer rats tend to eat things as-is or take the zap-under-two-minutes items. Grilling is out of their instant gratification range. Even salads that don't have dressing on it confound some. Sadly frozen treats seem impossible to fully secure.

[goldenstallion.livejournal.com]

Whinnyhi.

First of all let me appologize for comments made from passion in the past. I always enjoy your trials and tribulations and always smile to know here is another lazydragon(tm) after my style. Yea, another old vet of war (two tours Nam with Merrimade Merritorious Citations and banners to wave if I was not a snotnose, teenage kid with too many boogers and farts to even know who or what I was at the time other than government property, anyway).

I salute you.

Well, the trick is to hide the beef. (pork/chicken or turkey parts/etc from prying maws I know living with a fat guy)

Uh... well after a triple bypass and a stent I cannot eat that evilbad stuff any more anyway. Costs too much in the end game.

Hot Smoked is the way to go, evil one. Trust me, as you relax on your divan/sofa/davenport/couch or... *shudder the thought ... lo ve seat, your belly can but only hide the TV, much less the remote.

Grin.

Steed the goofy OLD (60 in a week) equine

[athelind.livejournal.com]

Previous incidents forgiven and forgotten, old friend.

And I try to avoid eating a LOT of such things, in an effort to fend off such massive plumbing overhauls -- every so often, though, I treat myself to something Genuinely Bad For Me amidst the salads and salmon burgers.

[archteryx.livejournal.com]

Wow. Moochers deserve what they get, frankly. I think you're perfectly within your rights to, er, spike the food. :>

*offers you an all-beef hot dog marinated in a little tabasco-sauce mix?*

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Well played, sir. It reminds me of a memoir that I read about a naturalist in Africa that was having trouble keeping baboons out of his family's supplies while they were off studying lions on the savannah. His wife ended up buying a big bag of oranges, cutting out a plug in each one, pouring in a generous amount of Tabasco, then replacing the plug, and leaving them conspicuously in a pile in the middle of the camp the next time they all left. When they came back, the oranges were scattered about the camp, partially eaten, and the baboons never scavenged in their camp again.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

Exactly the same principle!

...particularly the "baboon" part.

[ebony14.livejournal.com]

Not knowing the hatchling in question, I was not going to draw the conclusion. I may point out, though, the tendency for adolescents to possess hollow lower appendages. I certainly did at that age.