Athelind's Holiday Paradox

[athelind]

(Originally a response to a journal entry by ursulav.)
The more worked up people around me get about the holidays, the more I channel old Ebeneezer Scrooge before his spectral push into conformity.

The years I most strongly felt "The Christmas Spirit" were the years that my family Wasn't Doing Christmas, because of budget and disinclination. My mother used to be The Christmas Lady -- she was seriously Into It, lights, the tree, the decorations, Christmas albums playing 24/7, huge presents, everything. When family and budget got to the point that she couldn't afford to do the holiday to excess, she realized she had to quit cold turkey*, like any addict. No decorations, no presents. When I was living in the area, I'd meet them for Christmas dinner at a nice, inexpensive diner -- and that was it.

And I loved it.

Everyone else in the world was all wrapped up** in scrambling for presents, and I was relaxed, unpressured, mellow... and CHEERFUL. I'd whistle carols. I'd volunteer to work the Christmas shift, so that my co-workers could spend time with their families. All that sense of renewal, of good will, of brotherhood and joyful tidings and all that... When you're free of the Annual Consumer Feeding Frenzy, all that comes back, without any effort.

I rather miss that.

It only works when the whole family does it, though. When you're the only one who doesn't buy presents, and when you insist that you don't want any, you're just a grumpy asshole, and you feel like it.

---

*No pun intended.
**Again, no pun intended.

Comments

[tombfyre.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. ^^ I've been relaxed and care-free on X-mas for years now. I don't have any family for a thousand miles in either direction, so I quite happily work the holiday season. That and its just a big joke these days anyways, so it isn't like I'm missing anything.

[breimh.livejournal.com]

purrzah will be the first to point out how I detest the holidays because of the hype and marketing nonsense. And you're absolutely right, when there isn't all that, it is easier to feel relaxed and able to enjoy the season in the spirit it's intended. If you get gifts for others, or don't... or accept gifts, or not... that should be your choice, your decision, and no one else really has a right to say anything about it. The trouble is, too many people push themselves into your business during the season. And for some strange reason, they feel they have a right to do so.

I've actively boycotted the holidays, on many ocasions, to the duress of my rl family. Now that I'm away from them, the only one who has bugged me about it has been Purr. But over the years, she's now learned that if she just leaves me to my own devices on the matter, I'll get enough into the season to find little ways to celebrate. (And sometimes even decorate for the festivities.) But nothing gets me more "scrooge-like" or frustrated than the holidays being pushed on me long before I'm ready and willing to deal with them, or in ways I don't choose to celebrate them.

[paka.livejournal.com]

There's a reason Dr. Seuss had the Grinch end the way it did.

Unfortunately our entire culture is all about the consumer overdose. If having a few Christmas carols, some decorations, and some Norman Rockwell like holiday touches is good, then having several metric tons of it ought to be better right? Why not for three whole freakin' months?

It's always bugged me from the perspective of not-being-Christian, but something new that worries me is that the consumer overdose is what really burns most people out on Christmas - why people my generation and younger tend to be all about Halloween, which is just plain fun. Unfortunately it looks like the marketing types have clued in on this... and Halloween is rapidly en route to becoming a mega overdose holiday as well.

[araquan.livejournal.com]

I like looking at the decorations. And getting far, far away from home for a few weeks. ;oP

Then again, I've generally not had family celebrations foisted upon me whether I wanted them or not. Also I manage to tune out most of the marketing hype. Except for the decorations. Those are pretty, and usually shiny. :o)

[athelind.livejournal.com]

I like the decorations, too. They're happy and shiny!

Mmm, shiny.

...the environmental scientist gets twitchy when he sees over-the-top lighting displays, but he's also overjoyed to see LED light-strings becomeing more common and cheaper. Quel and I want to switch the entire 30-plus-year-old light collection over to LEDs this year (in the post-holiday sales).

[araquan.livejournal.com]

I should do more stuff with LEDs. I have some ideas...

I dunno though. I can excuse a bit of electrical frivolity in celebrations... It's the day-to-day stuff that concerns me.

But shinies are good. Mmm. Shiny.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I could handle the Christmas stress, and even enjoy it, if my family could decide on some ground rules and stick to them. My family is pretty good about this - they expect one present each from my family, whatever price point I'm comfortable with, and they facilitate the purchase of same. Parents buy more, and that's okay, too.

Piet's family, however, has traditionally expected more. For one thing, gifts from Santa are wrapped, thereby increasing exponentially the amount of prep required for Christmas morning. (I'd rather just stuff a stocking and leave a slightly larger item next to it, so kids can see what they get without having to wait for adults to be up.) For another, they tend to give lots of little things and one or two big things. If I stick to the budget I decided on for my family (say, $20-$30 each) and then they ALL go over that, I feel like a cheap cad. Worse, Piet sometimes decides that whatever I've bought isn't enough and adds a book or CD to it. I end up feeling like there's no such thing as a finished shopping list, and I hate that.

This year should be better. His parents are short on cash, so they've said one media item and one clothing item per person, Elizabeth excepted. So long as they stick to that, his sisters will too, and life will be fine. I'll be able to deal with the holiday stress because I enjoy much of the hype - I'm one of those strange people who doesn't mind doing some last-minute shopping on Christmas Eve, and will let someone go in line ahead of me if they look more frazzled than I do.

One of these years, when I really don't need much of anything (not true this year, with an expanding belly that needs to be clothed) I'm going to list a few charities and ask that everyone who is buying for me contribute to one of them in my name. They can even keep the tax receipts. I'm also going to encourage my kids to do this when they're a little older - perhaps not for their entire Christmas list, but ask them to reduce it by half and ask for money to sponsor a foster child, for example.

This is actually a great idea for families tired of the hype - choose a few charities, some abroad, some nearby, and donate a chunk of cash to each in the family's name. It costs about $400 a year to sponsor a child through Foster Parents' Plan, and that's about what I'll spend on gifts this year.

[jirris-midvale.livejournal.com]

All things said and done, I really wish my folks would cut back a little.

Here's the current scenario: Everyone writes a christmas list. These lists are put on the fridge for public display. These gifts range from things that are simple (a certain book) to expensive (a game console) but what they have in common is that these are want people want.

Christmas Morning rolls around and everyone gets a ton of stuff. Most of this stuff is not stuff asked for, but stuff the gift-giver *thinks* that the giftee would like. In fact, it is very common for most people to only get one or two items on said list, even if all of them are rather inexpensive.

A great example of this are items like a bread-maker (so the gifee can make bread for the gifter!), or a stereo-system for a guy with several gigs of MP3's and bad-ass speakers.

It starts out pretty good, but ends up not working because people buy gifts for themselves for the other people.

I do it like this, every year, for the past couple of years: I take one thing off of everyone's list, and either buy it or help someone else buy it in one way or another. This has made me a little irked, understandably.

Atheists really don't need bibles.

[jirris-midvale.livejournal.com]

Oh, I should also mention -- even on years where the lists are insane and everyone wants a new bike/TV/Videogame console/weapon of mass destruction, it's always cheaper than getting everyone a bunch of stuff that won't get used. I've done the math and it's pretty awful.

[r-caton.livejournal.com]

I tend to get quite a few adorably wrapped little dragons....but until now I've had nowhere to show them....
As I get older it's more and more a case of just being happy that folks are still around to be there at the gathering.
Christmas isn't a humbug...not quite....
When I buy gifts it tends to be on the spur of the moment "I saw this and thought of you" sort of thing. I am quite capable of buying gifts for myself any time of year....
I tend to work over Christmas for the same reason I do unpaid overtime...it's only when the damn phones stop ringing that you can concentrate on a technical task.

[silussa.livejournal.com]

Now you know why I do fudge. It's a lot less stressful, although I do end up making a LOT of it.

Speaking of which...I need you to email me and confirm addresses. I'm starting early this year, so you'll probably get yours before you're buried in everyone else's. (this isn't deliberate, but hey, if it works...)